Psychological Growth from Extreme Trauma

By Rick Nauert Ph.D.

People who survive an extreme traumatic experience may rebound and experience personal growth. In fact, individuals may savor a higher level of personal strength and function.

This position statement, provided by a University of Buffalo researcher and expert in the effects of horrifying trauma may calm fears of lifelong stress after an event such as 9/11.

At the heart of the findings is a surprisingly optimistic conclusion: Most people recover well following devastating events, and even among those who struggle with the experience, many of them can find some benefit from the experience, despite the negative effects of the event in their lives.

“Even when people go through a horrible life-threatening event, or endure huge losses and very difficult circumstances, many of them actually find some positive aspects to the experience and are able to grow from it,” says Lisa D. Butler, associate professor in UB’s School of Social Work, whose multiple studies on the trauma following 9/11 and other severely disruptive life events have been published in numerous professional journals, including the Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease.

“That does not negate the pain of what they have been through or the lingering effects in their lives, by any means,” Butler says. “But there is room for some positive changes as well.”

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Anger Management

By Lynn Ponton, Ph.D.

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury or rage. It is accompanied by physiological and biological changes, like increased heart rate and blood pressure, as well as hormonal changes.

Anger is a natural response that all people have. It is generally caused by two basic things:

1. Frustration. Not getting what we want, especially if we were expecting to get it;

2. Feeling that others do not respect us or care how we feel.

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Therapy and Lifestyle Changes

Classic psychotherapy does not help most patients with bipolar disorder. Nevertheless, many newer approaches are proving to be very useful. Trained mental health professionals can:

• Educate patients about bipolar disorder and its treatments
• Help them comply with drug regimens
• Monitor the patient’s on-going status
• Intervene early in manic and depressive episodes to reduce the severity of the attack

In addition, trained professionals can help patients:

• Adjust to the reality of the illness and understand the negative consequences of mania — particularly important for patients who consider their mania to be positive, creative, and exhilarating
• Cope with feelings of guilt and remorse that occur after manic episodes
• Deal with feelings of imperfection and despair

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The Frog in the Pot: How Stress Creeps Up on Us

By Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D.

Did you know that if you boil a pot of water and throw in a live frog that that frog will hop right out, saving his life to croak again another day (ha, ha)? If, on the other hand, you place a frog in a pot of cold water and turn the heat up slowly, that frog will stay in the pot. He will not jump out but slowly acclimate to the increasingly hot water until it boils to death. Truth or urban legend? To prove it I’d have to cook a live frog and that’s not going to happen. It sounds true and so should be because of what it teaches us.

A woman comes to see me for help. She tells me her story, sighs, and then says, “Really, it’s not that bad.” Oh, yes, it is! She’s sitting in a pot of very hot water. If she had been dropped into her intolerable situation all of a sudden she’d be saying, “Holy Cow! Get me outta here!”

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How Do I Reduce My Risk of Depression?

By Ben Martin, Psy.D.

It may not always be possible to prevent depression. However, the following strategies may help reduce your risk of becoming depressed:

1. Be aware of your personal risk of depression.
2. Have a psychiatric evaluation and psychotherapy, if needed.
3. Develop a strong social and spiritual support system.
4. Reduce your stress.
5. Exercise regularly.
6. Decrease use of alcohol and/or drugs.
7. Get treatment for alcohol/drug abuse if needed.
8. Eat healthfully.
9. Get good sleep.

1. Be Aware of Your Personal Risk of Depression

Be alert to factors that can increase your risk for depression such as:

• Family history
• High levels of stress
• Major life changes, such as:
  • Death of a relative
  • Assault
  • Severe marital or relationship problems
• Psychological factors, such as:
  • Low self-esteem
  • Perfectionism
  • Sensitivity to loss or rejection
• Inadequate social support
• Previous depression
• Chronic physical illness
• Hormonal changes
• Anxiety
• Medications that can cause depression

2. Have a Psychiatric Evaluation and Psychotherapy, If Needed

If you feel overwhelmed by stress or are experiencing symptoms of depression, see your health care provider for a physical exam and mental health evaluation. You may be referred for further evaluation or counseling, if appropriate.

3. Develop a Strong Social and Spiritual Support System

A network of supportive relationships is beneficial for the prevention and treatment of depression. Supportive relationships serve as a buffer against stress, which can sometimes trigger depression.

Strong spiritual faith is associated with a reduced risk of depression. Spiritual faith can be found in the context of organized religion, or in something less structured, such as meditation. In a group setting, it can provide the additional benefit of social support.

4. Reduce Your Stress

A variety of relaxation techniques can help you cope with stressors that may contribute to depression. Examples include meditation, deep breathing, progressive relaxation, yoga, and biofeedback. These techniques help you pay attention to tension in your body and release it with exercises that help quiet your mind and relax your muscles. You can also reduce stress by getting adequate sleep, rest, and recreation.

5. Exercise Regularly

Regular exercise helps you relieve stress and may help prevent or reduce depression. Aerobic exercise and yoga have been found to be particularly beneficial for reducing stress and improving mood. Aerobic exercise can raise the levels of brain chemicals that affect mood, such as endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine. Other benefits of exercise include: weight loss (if necessary), increased muscle tone, and higher self-esteem. Yoga provides the benefits of stretching and deep relaxation.

6. Decrease Use of Alcohol, Get Treatment for Drug Abuse

Alcohol and drugs may contribute to depression. If you can discontinue use of such substances on your own, do so. If you think you may have a substance abuse disorder, seek professional treatment.

7. Eat Healthfully

Eat a healthful diet, that is low in fat, high in fiber, and rich in vitamins and minerals. Specific dietary factors that may be beneficial in depression are the B-complex vitamins (found in whole grains) and omega-3 fatty acids (found in cold-water fish, fish oil, and flax seeds).

8. Get Good Sleep

Get a reasonable amount of sleep (around 8 hours) nightly. If you are suffering from insomnia, seek treatment, since chronic insomnia is thought to be a risk factor for depression.

Tips for Managing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive-not aggressive-manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into behavior that is more constructive. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward-on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven’t learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren’t likely to have many successful relationships.

1. Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won’t relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your “gut.”
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax,” “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
• Non-strenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you’re in a tense situation.

2. Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”

Be careful of words like “never” or “always” when talking about yourself or someone else. “This !&*%@ machine never works,” or “you’re always forgetting things” are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there’s no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won’t make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. When you’re unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions-frustration, disappointment, hurt-but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away.

3. Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it’s a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn’t always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

4. Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to-and act on-conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your “significant other” wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don’t retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It’s natural to get defensive when you’re criticized, but don’t fight back. Instead, listen to what’s underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don’t let your anger-or a partner’s-let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

5. Using Humor

“Silly humor” can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you’re at work and you think of a coworker as a “dirtbag” or a “single-cell life form,” for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague’s desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is “things oughta go my way!” Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you’ll also realize how unimportant the things you’re angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don’t try to just “laugh off” your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it’s often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

6. Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it’s our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the “trap” you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire.” After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night-perhaps you’re tired, or distracted, or maybe it’s just habit-try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don’t turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don’t make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don’t say, “well, my child should clean up the room so I won’t have to be angry!” That’s not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project-learn or map out a different route, one that’s less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Consider Psychotherapy: If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn’t only a course of action designed to “put you in touch with your feelings and express them”-that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

Assertiveness Training for Anger Management

It’s true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don’t feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn’t something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can’t eliminate anger-and it wouldn’t be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Source: American Psychological Association

Tips for Coping With Your Angry Behavior

Of all personality factors, hostility and anger have been most highly correlated with coronary heart disease and other physical and behavioral stress problems. In fact, a medium to high level of anger is the strongest behavioral predictor of early illness and death.

Anger is typically an attempt to control others to meet your needs. It often results from frustration, particularly when you do not get what you want or expect from life or others.

People can express anger either directly through “lashing out,” or indirectly through passive-aggressive behavior. People who are passive aggressive block and thwart others by such techniques as acting belligerent, pouting, not responding, or simply disappearing for periods of time when others need them. Both types of anger can have serious negative effects on one’s health and social relations.

6 Ways to Better Help With Anger

Flow With Fear

Fear lurks behind anger. Most often, the fear stems from a feeling of lack of control of oneself or others. Conquering this fear begins with the process of learning how to flow with your fears.

When you feel that you are losing control of a situation, consciously recognize what your fear is and, if possible, allow yourself to flow with it. To flow means to accept your fear instead of fighting it. By acknowledging what you are afraid of, you’ll be able to reduce your anxiety.

Work on self-esteem

Positive and healthy self-esteem is vital to controlling anger. You can improve your self-esteem by looking at your positive attributes rather than dwelling on your flaws.

Practice “letting go”

A “letting go” attitude is the key to freeing yourself from excessive anger. Not always having to be in control is a valuable skill that our culture does not teach. Being able to “let go” is the best buffer against excessive anger. For example, when you become aware of your anger, say to yourself:

“I can let go and it’s okay. Letting go does not mean I’m out of control.”

“I can let go and still feel in control. Letting go makes me feel better, and that will make the situation better.”

“I don’t need anger to change this person or situation.”

“I am not an angry person.”

Remember, angry words or acts can never be taken back. Any harm that was done is not readily reversible; the effects may linger for years. By letting go, you will actually gain control – over yourself.

Be prepared

Each time you show excessive anger, either outwardly toward others or inwardly toward yourself, write it down or make a mental note. Become aware of these circumstances and prepare yourself for future situations.

Avoid “should’s”

If you set overly tight boundaries for yourself and others by constantly saying people or things “should” be something other than what they are, then you can expect more frustration and anger in your life. Engaging in what is called “shouldisms” is self-destructive and potentially harmful to your relationship with others. Here are some should’s to avoid:

“She should be more loving.”

“When I walk into a room office, people should immediately say hello to me.”

“When I assign jobs, she should complete it right away.”

“He should love his parents more. He should visit them more often.”

“He should show me more respect. After all, I’m his superior. I deserve it.”

Set realistic goals

Promises and hopes rarely change behavior. If you do not succeed at reaching your goals, you can become frustrated and angry. Set realistic goals. Even if you are making only occasional or small strides, reassure yourself that you are making progress.

By Michael Ashworth, Ph.D.

Simple Stress Management Exercise

Is someone getting on your last nerve? Are you stressed out? This simple exercise should help reduce your stress.

Take a deep breath.

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.

Nothing can bother you here.

No one knows this secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water.

There now, feeling better?

See… laughter is a great stress reliever.

Take Control of Your Life and Bipolar Disorder

If you’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, you may have a vision as to how you want your life to be. Perhaps you have goals for your personal life or career. But when you have bipolar disorder, the ups and downs can get in the way of leading a stable, healthy life.

Here you will find a number of helpful suggestions for managing your condition. Remember, you can always ask your doctor for additional help.
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Dealing with Disappointment

People who are disappointed are at greater risk of physical or emotional difficulties, or both. Such individuals appear to have a greater frequency of headaches, gastrointestinal difficulties, moist palms, and over-perspiration than those scoring low on this scale. For some, being very disappointed for prolonged periods of time can lead to chronic stress problems.

Disappointment results from thoughts and expectations being out of line with reality. Your expectations and hopes for others may be too high for the situation at hand. Even if you think your expectations are appropriate and realistic, they may not be realistic at all. One solution is to change your expectations to more realistic levels.

Some disappointments are actually predictable and preventable. Others are totally unavoidable. It is important to differentiate between the two so that you can respond appropriately.

Repeated disappointment may be the result of a pattern of faulty or irrational thinking. If you are frequently disappointed, evaluate what you are thinking and try to change faulty thinking patterns.

Things You Can Do To Help With Your Disappointment

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